A Time To Heal
by LvSammy
Summary: Set During The Sentinel Too...Can Blair and Jim repair the damage done to their relationship? I am not good at summary as this is the first time I am posting and I am learning as I go. I just ask please be kind. I rated it M for mention of drugs and suicide attempt please don't read if this is a trigger for you. This is not beta read so all mistakes are mine.
1. Chapter 1

**_A Time to Heal_**

 ** _part 1 of 2_**

By: LvSammy

O.k. they are not mine, nor will they ever be ~Sigh~ yadda, yadda, yadda,.

So this is my first fic posted. I love The Sentinel and wrote this so long ago. I came across this and decided to share...again. I have my fics up on a website hosted by someone else but decided to post it here and see what you all think. Critics welcome but be kind.

This is set Season 3 and 4 on The Sentinel Too. Can Jim and Blair repair the relationship?

Ok I also promised myself I would not do a S2 story…..but it couldn't be helped. So here it is…..let me know what you think…

Jim stared at Alex as they carried her away. Jim felt his chest tighten.

 _That could be me… No, no, no…don't go there_. Jim didn't want to think…. because if he let himself think…. he would have to acknowledge how badly he had treated Blair these past weeks. God the look of hurt on Blair's face when he said those damaging words. "I need a partner I can trust." Then he really twisted the knife in when Blair caught them kissing on the beach. Jesus! She pointed a gun at Blair. HIS GUN! And yet he did nothing. Worse still he pushed Blair further away. He looked over and saw Blair standing by Simon and Megan looking so lost. I need to talk to him. But not right now. I can't think straight. As he was staring at Blair, Blair looked up and blue eyes met blue eyes. Jim quickly looked away. Jim stood and walked towards one of the jeeps, missing the hurt look that crossed Sandburg's face.

 _God_ , thought Blair, _he can't even look at me. Well I've got no one to blame but myself_. Blair felt numb and empty inside. _I've lost everything. My friend, my home…. everything that really mattered to him. All for what? All for my dissertation Blair thought with disgust. What good was it now?_

"Blair are you o.k."

"Huh?"

Blair looked up into the concerned eyes of Simon Banks. _O.k._ he thought _no far from it._ Actually he felt sick. He still hadn't recovered from drowning. He felt congested and hot. He felt miserable and so alone. But no one would know. Yea it was time to make a few changes in his life. He put on a forced smile and said….

"Yea Simon, I'm fine thanks man."

Simon didn't buy it.

"Yea, right. Well let's get back to the hotel. Everything here is wrapped up and we all could use some rest before we go home."

 _HOME!_ Blair felt his heart break yet again. _What home? I don't have a home anymore._

A deep depression overcame him. He turned and noticed Jim in one of the jeeps already full with local officers. _No room for me, in the jeep, in the loft, in Jim's life_. The knife twisted a little more in Blair's heart. God it hurt so badly. But truth be told it was his own fault. Naomi always told him not to get too attached. Never stay in one place for too long. But it felt so good to come home to someone. To have such a good friend. A best friend. A place to call home. The last part of his heart shattered. Nothing mattered anymore. He climbed into the jeep next to Simon and Megan. Despair and depression weighing heavily on him. _Yea…. definitely time to make some changes._

By the time they arrived at the hotel it was dark. Jim went to his room without saying a word to anyone. Megan and Simon looked from Jim's retreating back to the crushed look on Blair's face. Neither knew what to say. Little did they know that a plan had already formed in Blair's fevered brain.

"Blair." Simon started to say something but was cut off by Blair.

"Simon, I'm o.k."

He stopped at the look Simon gave him.

"O.k. so I'm not quite o.k. But I will be. I just need some rest."

Simon didn't like the way Blair looked.

"Go on Simon. Go get some rest. We all need some rest."

Simon squeezed Blair's shoulder.

"O.k. I'll see you in the morning."

Megan kissed Blair on the cheek.

"Hang in there Sandy."

Blair smiled tiredly at them as he watched them go. He waited until he was sure they were gone. Then he asked the clerk to cancel his room and get the next available flight back to Cascade. As luck would have it the next flight left in an hour. Things happened quickly then. Everything seemed like a blur. The next thing he knew he was sitting on a flight back to Cascade.

Jim, Simon and Megan stood together waiting at the front desk ready to check out. Then they would go for a quick bite to eat and off to the airport. Jim was getting impatient.

"Damn it! What is taking Sandburg so long?"

He paced back and forth a few more times.

"Calm down Jim. He might have overslept. I'll ask the clerk to ring his room."

Simon walked over to the counter.

"Excuse me could you please ring Mr. Sandburg's room and let him know that we are waiting for him."

Simon did not like the confused look that crossed the clerks face. He didn't think he really wanted to know.

"Ummm…. Is there a problem?" Simon asked.

" I'm sorry senior. Senior Sandburg checked out last night and took the first flight back to cascade."

Three dumbfounded people looked back at him.

"Are you sure it was Senior Sandburg?" Asked Jim.

"Si Senor. I booked the flight myself."

If Jim felt anything he didn't show it. _Well what did you expect, Ellison?_

God he was an ass. He should have said something to Blair. All of a sudden Megan spoke up.

"I don't know about anyone else…..but I'm not so hungry anymore."

They all agreed to go directly to the airport. It was going to be a long flight.

Blair stood in the middle of his office. He didn't feel safe here anymore. His last memory of his office was of Alex pointing a gun at him. He remembered the fear as he walked towards that fountain. Images of him desperately trying to breathe and only sucking in water slammed into him.

"Damn it calm down…..you so don't need a panic attack now." He whispered to himself. He felt so incredibly alone now. He sat at his desk put his head in his hands and cried. He cried for the loss of his home, the loss of his life, but most of all for the loss of his friendship. The best thing that ever happened to him was gone. He cried for a long time. Finally he pulled himself together. He had so much to do this morning. He reached into his backpack to pull out a fresh change of clothes and two prescriptions fell out on to his desk. The meds he got when he left the hospital. He left promising the doctors he would take the medication. With everything that went on he simply forgot. He really didn't feel well. His chest hurt. He felt congested…..he knew he had a fever. So tired and so much to do. He was about the throw them away but stopped. As much as he hated taking prescriptions…he just might need them. He quickly stuffed them in his jacket pocket. He changed and cleaned himself up. He looked up 9:30! Where had the time gone? O.k. O.k. Time to start making those changes, he made his way to chancellor's office and knocked.

"Come in."

"Hi Chancellor Edwards. You got a minute.?"

"Mr. Sandburg how nice of you to show up."

Blair winced at the sarcasm in her voice.

"Actually Mr. Sandburg, I wanted to meet with you. You saved me a phone call."

"Ummm. About what?" Blair had a feeling he wasn't going to like this.

"About your little trip to Mexico. I understand you were recently hospitalized. I know you were attacked in your office. I'm glad to see that you're o.k. I also understand that you have been through quite a lot Mr. Sandburg. But you can not go and come as you wish. Do you realize you have an incredible amount of absences! I think it's time for you to make a decision. You either want to be a cop….or a teacher. The University can not tolerate this behavior anymore."

Anger flared to life in Blair.

"You have no right to force me to make that decision. I have spent years of my life devoted to Rainer."

"Blair you have yet to submit a part or even a rough draft of you dissertation."

"umm. Actually that is what I wanted to talk to you about." Blair said softly.

Edwards glanced up and sighed. "What exactly about your dissertation ?"

"Well I was wondering if I could change the topic." He saw the chancellors frown. "Since I couldn't find a test subject." He quickly blurted out.

"Mr. Sandburg changing your dissertation topic now is really not recommended. Please tell me you have something to hand in."

"Well no I don't. But it wouldn't take me long to type up something….a day or two…" He was cut off.

"Mr. Sandburg…look I do feel for you. I know you've been through a lot but that does not excuse your behavior. You are attacked in your office and land in the hospital. Once out of the hospital you drop everything run off to Mexico. Now you want to change the topic of your dissertation yet you have nothing to hand in. You have resonsablities to this University that are not being met. Mr. Sandburg you leave me no choice but to suspend you until I've met with the dissertation committee."

Blair was stunned. _SUSPENDED!_

"But Chancellor Edwards…."

"Was there something else Mr. Sandburg?"

Blair stared at her disbelievingly.

"No." he said weakly. He turned and left. It was not suppose to happen this way. He made his way back to his office. What would he do now? Everything was gone now. EVERYTHING! HOME, FRIEND, JOB. All gone! Where would he go? His trip to Mexico just about tapped him out. He hardly had enough for a hotel room. He picked up his backpack and one of the bottles of medication fell out of his pocket. He picked it up. Jim should have never brought me back he thought sadly. Yea one more change to make. He pocketed the bottle once again. He gathered up all his Sentinel research and boxed it. Then he wrote a letter to Jim.

Dear Jim,

Hi. I hope you are doing o.k. I put something together for you. This is something I wanted you to have. I won't need it anymore. I've put together all my sentinel research. You are going to have find a new guide to ride with. This should help. Simon can help you find someone you can trust. Megan has found out about your sentinel abilities. She would make a good guide for you. She'll find everything she needs in the research. It's time for me to move on. It's been great Jim, the time I've spent with you. I wouldn't change any of it…..well maybe the drowning part. But being your partner was the best thing in my life and it's something I will truly miss. Well there's nothing left holding me here anymore, so time to move on. I'll cherish the time I had with you. You'll always have a place in my heart. I never had a best friend before and for that I thank you. I hope you get everything you want out of life. Hey no hard feelings huh? I'm leaving this life….

If I left anything behind in the loft just sell it or throw it away.

Detaching with love,

Blair

Blair placed the letter on top of the contents in the box and sealed it. He addressed it to Jim. He'd use the last of his money to send the package courier so it would get there today and the rest of what was left of his meager cash to gas up the Volvo. Blair gathered his back pack and picked up the box. He took one last look around his office. His eyes filled with unshed tears and he quietly shut the door.


	2. Chapter 2

Later that afternoon Simon sat with Jim in the loft. They were both tired. But Simon was reluctant to leave Jim alone.

"Simon I don't know how to fix this. God I've been such an ass. How could I say all those terrible things to Blair? I need a partner I can trust. !" Jim mimicked his own words. "God I'd be in an institution now or dead if it weren't for Blair."

"Have you tried to call him?"

"No, I don't know what I'd say."

"How about I'm sorry for starters."

"Simon…." He was interrupted by a knock at the door. He got up and opened it.

"I've got a package for Mr. Ellison."

Jim signed for the package and brought it by Simon setting it on the coffee table.

"It's from Blair."

Jim looked at the package like it would take a hand off if he tried to open it.

"Well are you going to open it or not?"

"Simon I don't think I can."

Simon sighed and got up. He pulled the box open. He looked at the contents confused. He picked up the letter and read it aloud. Jim could smell the salty tears that had fallen upon the letter as it was written. He could picture Blair crying as he wrote it. As Simon read the letter cold fear gripped Jim.

"Oh dear god…..Simon we have to find him. I have to speak to him. Make him understand."

Jim looked up and Simon was already on the phone.

"This is Captain Banks. I need and A.P.B. on a green Volvo license…." Simon's words drifted as Jim read the letter again. The words were like a punch to his gut. "I'm leaving this life…" Please don't let it mean what I think. Oh god Blair what have I done to you. Please god please let me find him.

* * *

Turns out Blair didn't have enough money to send the package and fill the Volvo. He paid for the package and put what was left into the gas tank. He was parked on the side of the road. The gas having run out sooner than he thought. Fuck, fuck, fuck. 10 more miles and he would have been out of Cascade. Oh well it didn't matter now. Oh man he felt awful. He knew he had a fever. His chest felt tight and he was so congested he was having trouble breathing. As he pulled out the prescription bottles he was struck with a coughing fit. Soon he thought no more pain…..no more loneliness. No one would miss him anyway. Well maybe Naomi. But she had her circle of friends that would help her thought it. She would be o.k. She always manages to land on her feet. His one regret was that he would not hear her voice one more time. Speak to her one last time. He looked at the letter addressed to her on the dashboard. He opened the first bottle and slowly swallowed every pill with a bottle of water from his backpack. Then he started on the second bottle. Just to make sure. Then he leaned back and let the tears fall. He cried until he fell asleep. This is it he thought. His last thought before darkness claimed him was if Jim.

"Goodbye Jim." He whispered. Oblivion.

* * *

Jim sat in Simon's office feeling helpless and useless. He jumped as the phone rang.

Simon's large dark hand snatched it up in a flash.

"Banks." He shouted. He listened then said. "Were on our way."

Jim stood up so quickly he almost knocked the chair over. Simon looked at Jim. God this is gonna kill him he thought.

"A patrol car found Blair's Volvo parked on the side of the road heading out of Cascade. It was out of gas. Blair was unconscious. They found two empty prescription bottles in his lap. He is still alive. They're taking him to Cascade General. We can beat them there. I'm driving Jim."

As Simon predicted they arrived before the ambulance. Jim paced until the ambulance pulled up. He stood by helplessly as they wheeled Blair in. God he looked so pale. Jim could feel the heat coming off the young man in waves.

"God Simon, this is all my fault."

Damn it Jim you wanna hold off on the guilt and pity party. Blair is going to need all the support he can get right now. He is going to need all of us."

"What can I do?"

"Start praying."

It felt like hours had passed before a doctor came out to speak to them. The same doctor it turns out that treated Blair when he drowned.

"Are you hear for Mr. Sandburg?"

Simon and Jim jumped up.

"Yes, yes, Dr. Burden right?"

The doctor seemed surprised that Jim remembered his name.

"Yes, that's right."

"Is Blair going to be alright?" Jim asked worriedly.

"Come let's go somewhere more private."

He brought them to the staff lounge.

"Please have a seat."

They all sat closely. Jim was terrified. _Please, please, please let him be alright_. Were the only thoughts through Jim's mind.

"Well Mr. Sandburg ingested two very powerful bottles of prescription drugs. We've pumped his stomach and given him charcoal for what we may have missed. The problem is we don't know how long it was in his system before he was found. He also has pneumonia. His fever is pretty high its 104 were trying to get it down now."

Simon closed his eyes…..and asked almost in a whisper.

"Will he be alright?"

"Honestly, I don't know yet. He was nowhere near recovered from his drowning incident. If he makes it though the next 24hrs he's got a good shot of making a full recovery. Then we can see if the drugs did any damage."

"Damage." Both Simon and Jim said in union.

"Yes, like I said we don't know how long it was in his system before he was found. It could have caused brain damage, damage to fine motor skills, among other things. But let's take this one step at a time. Let's get through the next 24hrs."

"Can I see him?" Jim was beside himself.

The doctor looked at Jim's face. The worry, the sorrow and heartbreak all clear on his face.

"Actually it might help. Come on I'll take you to his room."

Simon squeezed Jim's shoulder. "Keep me informed."

"Yea Simon.. Thanks. "

"Hey I care about the kid too."

"I know Simon. I know." Jim said his eyes filled with unshed tears.

* * *

Anxiety filled Jim as he neared Blair's room. Jim was stunned when he finally saw Blair. He looked so small and frail lying in the hospital bed. God he is so pale. The heart monitor beeped in the background. An oxygen mask covered Blair's face. An I.V. ran in to his hand. *God Blair I am so sorry.* Jim pulled a chair close and sat by Blair's bed. He leaned forward and put his hand on Blair's forehead.

"Please Chief, " he whispered "please be o.k."

Time passed yet there was no change in Blair. Jim kept his hands constantly on Blair. Holding his hand, stroking his forehead, petting his hair. Jim squeezed Blair's shoulder as he sensed a change in Blair.

"Chief?" He said softly. "Can you hear me Chief?"

The monitor suddenly went crazy as Blair stiffened and went into a seizure. Cold terror gripped Jim he shot up and ran to the door.

"Help! Help! I need a doctor in here!"

The room filled in seconds with hospital staff. Jim was pushed out into the hallway. Never in his life did he feel so helpless.

 _God I'll find a way to make this up to you but please be alright_. Jim looked up and saw the grim face of Captain Banks walking towards him.

"Simon I thought you went home."

"No, not yet. How's the kid?"

"Not good. Simon he just went into a seizure. I just don't know. The doctor is in with him now."

Simon didn't want to tell Jim this it was going to kill him. But he had to find out sooner or later.

"Jim?"

"Yea," Jim really didn't like the look on Simon's face and he had a feeling he wasn't going to like what he was about to say.

"I called the University and spoke to Chancellor Edwards." Simon said her name with a sneer. " I wanted to tell her what happened to Blair and to get his classes and responsibilities covered. Well turns out he's been suspended."

Jim was shocked SUSPENDED! Then Jim exploded.

"SUSPENDED! Why….?"

"Well she said it was mostly because of his absences and she said he his responsibilities to the University were second to the P.D. Also she said he has yet to hand in any part of his dissertation and then flipped when Blair told her he wanted to change his topic to something along the lines of the police force. But she said his little trip to Mexico was the final straw and he is suspended until the dissertation committee can meet. God what a mess."

Jim couldn't speak. Blair did this because he felt he lost everything. Guilt swept through Jim.

"Simon this is all my fault."

"Hang on there Jim, I'm just as guilty. I always forget that Blair has a job with the University. I just expect him to be at the station. To be your partner." He sighed disgusted with himself. They both looked up when the doctor came out.

"How is he? Is he going to be o.k? What caused this seizure?"

"Relax Detective. He's stable for now. Look you have to remember that Mr. Sandburg overdosed on two very powerful drugs. Frankly I'm not all that surprised at this seizure. But he is stable now. Why don't you go home and get some rest. I doubt he'll wake up at all tonight. You look like you're about to fall flat on your back."

"Actually I'd like to stay here. Keep an eye on him. I want to be here when he wakes up."

"Like I said I doubt he'll wake up tonight. You really should go home and rest. Mr. Sandburg is going to need a lot of support and you won't do him any good if you collapse from exhaustion. So go home and rest Detective. Mr. Sandburg will be with us for a while."

Jim looked confused.

"You just said he was stable. How long will he be here?"

"Detective surely you know that when a suicide attempt is brought in we are to hold and evaluate them in the phyciatrict ward for 30 days at least until we feel he is not a danger to himself or anyone else for that matter."

Jim paled.

"Doctor Blair can't stay here for that amount of time. Especially in the psychiatric ward."

"Jim," Simon tried to interrupt.

"No Simon. He can't take that! Especially not after all he's been through." Jim turned to the doctor. " Sir can you release him into my care."

"Detective he attempted suicide and he almost succeeded. He needs help. He needs to be watched so he doesn't try it again."

"Please Doctor I can do this. I'll sign anything. And I can make sure I'm with him for 24/7. Please I'm begging you not to do this to Blair."

Dr. Burden felt torn. But he saw the look on Jim's face and somehow he knew that Jim would do anything for Blair.

"Well ….I guess I can release him into your care. You're sure you'll be able to be with him 24/7 and make sure he takes his meds and sees a therapist."

"Yes.! Yes to all even if I have to cram the meds down his throat."

"Fine we'll discuss this further when Mr. Sandburg wakes up."

Jim felt relieved. "Thanks Doc."

"Now Detective go home," he smiled kindly "and get some rest."

"If Blair wakes up…."

"You'll be called immediately."

Jim smiled. "Thank you".

"Come on Jim," Simon tugged on Jim's arm "I'll drive you home."

The next morning…..

Blair wanted to stay in the darkness. He felt numb. He didn't want to come out of his save haven…But the constant beating was so annoying and was pulling him out of a deep sleep. But the constant beeping was annoying. What the hell is that he thought anyway. But something else was pulling him out of the deep sleep. It sounded like a voice. NO, NO, NO! I want to stay here. I don't have to worry or think or do anything here. Please leave me here.

"Bla….can…..me…..open…..eyes…..Chief?"

That voice sounded familiar.

"Go…a…away." Blair said weakly not realizing he spoke out loud.

Jim jumped to his feet. One hand on Blair's forehead the other grasping his hand. He hadn't gotten much sleep last night and came back as soon as the hospital allowed him to. But Blair was still unconscious then. But he was coming to now. Blair could tell him to go fuck himself and that would be fine so long as he woke up.

"Chief."

Blair slowly opened heavy lids. He couldn't make out anything at first. A blur came into his view. His vision started to clear and the first thing he noticed were the blue eyes that stared into his own. Blair groaned and closed his eyes.

"Blair…..please Chief open your eyes."

Blair opened his eyes. "What am I doing here Jim?

"What are you doing here?" Jim echoed his question.

"Chief ….God….why….Blair why did you try to…..try to….."

"Just putting things the way they were suppose to be Jim."

"I don't understand."

"You never should have brought me back Jim. I wished you just left me alone and let me have stayed dead."

Jim felt like he had been sucker punched. He let go of his pain and let the tears fall.

"Please Blair, please don't talk like that. I'm so sorry. I never should have kicked you out. We really have to talk buddy."

Blair laughed.

"Buddy. Huh?"

"What's so funny?"

"You made your choice Jim."

"Chief I don't understand….."

"You should be with Alex. You had no trouble falling all over yourself for her in Mexico."

Jim started to get angry.

"Damn it Blair I couldn't help that. It was something going on with my senses."

"Yea."

"Blair what do you want me to say here. It wasn't something I had control over."

"SHE MURDERED ME! She killed me. Yet you ran off to her. Then she held your gun on me. I really thought you were going to let her shoot me. No Jim, I don't want you to say anything. Just leave me alone."

 _SHUT UP!_ He told himself.

"I'm so sorry Blair. I really am. I never wanted to hurt you. I just wanted to make sure you were o.k. I know I've made a lot of mistakes. I really fucked up. Big time. Please let's try to work though this. I'll do anything. You are the most important person in my life. My family…..my brother. You may not be my blood brother…..but you're my brother by choice. I need you Blair. So much. Give me a chance to make this up. I don't know if I can, but I'll try. Just don't leave me."

Blair was shocked. Jim never talked about his feelings, NEVER. This more Jim said about his feelings in all the years Blair had known Jim.

"Do you mean that Jim? Cause I don't think I can take it if you don't. I'm so tired Jim."

Jim stroked Blair's hair. "Just promise me one thing Chief."

Blair looked at him. And was shocked to see fresh tears fall.

"Please, you must promise me that you'll never do anything like this again. Don't ever try to hurt yourself. Promise me. I really thought I was going to lose you for good. Blair I couldn't take it if something happened to you. Swear it, Chief, please."

Blair felt his own tears fall. "I'm sorry Jim. I just felt like you didn't need me anymore. I felt like you …..you threw me away."

Jim pulled Blair into his arms and crushed him to his chest. They held each other tight. Yes, now the healing could begin. Finally Sentinel and guide were together. They could start healing each other.

THE END


End file.
